The problem of Pain and Suffering II

"Those things that hurt instruct" Benjamin Franklin

When we encounter difficulties or problems, most of us are scared to a greater or lesser degree, we shy away or avoid them and procrastinate with the hopes that  they will disappear. We ignore them, forget or even pretend they don't exist. For some, drugs help to temporarily numb the pain and pretend t is not there. We skirt around them rather than face them. We avoid suffering at all cost.

According to studies, in the mental health field, the tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all human mental illness. Since most of us suffer from this to a greater or lesser degree, lack complete mental health. Some of us will go to quite extraordinary lengths to avoid our problems and the suffering they cause. This running away creates more problems, hence we fail to grow in and through dealing with these difficulties. This lack of growth is in a sense what we refer to as being stuck and without healing the human psyche and spirit begins to shrivel.

It is therefore very important to instill in ourselves, children and leaders, the means of achieving mental and spiritual health. Healthy bodies, healthy minds, and health spirit. It is what "health gurus" refer to as mindfulness. For children to be healthy functioning members of society, it is important to to help them understand the inevitability of suffering, failures or setbacks. We read in the book of Sirach the prophet admonishing his son:

My child, when you come to serve the Lord,

prepare yourself for trials.a

2 Be sincere of heart and steadfast,

and do not be impetuous in time of adversity.

3 Cling to him, do not leave him,

that you may prosper in your last days.

4 Accept whatever happens to you;

in periods of humiliation be patient.

5 For in fire gold is tested,

and the chosen, in the crucible of humiliation.

Sirach 2:1-6

Discipline is the essential tool needed to resolve life's issues and conflict, work through them, learn and grow in the process.

We live in a world of fast food, quick and immediate gratification. We mature when we can delay such gratifications, it takes a lot of discipline, however daily discipline done daily will ultimately yield and bear fruit.

There are four ways in which we can discipline ourselves and children. These are:

Delaying gratification

Acceptance of responsibility, 

Dedication to truth and 

Balance

Once we arm ourselves with these tools we are all set. Rather that going against the currents of life we dance, surf, and swim in the vast ocean of creation. Though this seem simple or easy enough, we find that leaders, presidents and those in positions to lead, teach and guide fail to use them. Failure to use them does not stem from the lack of tools, rather from the lack of will to do so. 

The Problem of Pain and Suffering

Life is a challenge. To live is to take risks. This is a reality all must face. From conception to death, we face this reality. One we come to terms with this reality, that life is a warfare, we transcend it or rise above the stumbling blocs or obstacles we encounter on life's journey to becoming. It is crucial to understand that we cannot escape difficulties in life. What matters is what we do with it. Knowing that life is tough and full of challenges is half the battle, the rest is how to navigate these obstacle that we encounter.

Most individuals are not equipped to face the difficulties of life. Instead they groan, complain, and moan incessantly, noisily or subtly about the enormity of their problems, burdens or difficulties and obstacles they face whether in their families, tribe, culture, race, class, nation and interestingly enough it is the noise about gender and species. These groaners and moaner want the whole world to pay for their lot in life. I know about this groaning and moaning because I have done my fare share of doing so. 

Life is a battle field, and those who girt their loins for this battle, come out victorious. We read in the gospel of Matthew 11:12 "the Kingdom of heaven suffers violence and the violent have taken it" and again Job 7:1"The life of man upon earth is a warfare, and his days are like the days of a hireling" All of these sums it up, don't expect to ride through life on a bed of roses, and"Four noble truths" which Buddha taught was "Life is suffering"

Discipline is the basic set of tools needed to solve life's difficulties or the stumbling blocs which sometimes tend to derail us. Without discipline we cannot resolve these issues that plague us. 

What is it that makes life difficult? We lack the tools to process, confront and ultimately deal with them. Depending on their nature, problems can be frustrating, cause grief and sadness, anxiety, anguish and even despair. These feelings are often uncomfortable, and may even be accompanied by physical pain. These are the problems we must face in daily living. Life is encountering a series of conflicts, stemming from human weakness, (self) the world and its vanities (world) and those spiritual or diabolical warfare (devil or evil one). 

Yet in all of these, we are more than conquerors. St. Paul writes in his letter to the Romans 8:31-39.  'What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?36 As it is written:“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[a]37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in

Christ Jesus our Lord.

It is this entire process of meeting , encountering, tackling and resolving problems that makes life meaningful. Problems are the source and root of purification and growth. The ability to face them squarely is what sets one apart and distinguishes between success and failure. Problems brings forth the best of us, we grow in virtues such as courage, wisdom, understanding, patience and mostly humility and charity. We grow in wholeness, holiness. This is the secret of attaining health of body, mind and soul. It is within the human capacity to tackle life's problems, and to do this we must begin as children. From childhood, parents should encourage children to to solve problems. It is by confronting and encountering difficulties and obstacles that they learn the important life lessons of dealing with failure, set backs and pain. As Benjamin Franklin said, "Those things that hurt, instruct." The wise for this reason are not filled with dread at impending difficulties, rather they welcome it as it is a source of growth.

Nurturing leaders for today, tomorrow and beyond (Part I)

Emotional intelligence in leadership in leadership is a puzzle many researchers and scholars of leadership are trying to solve. Maybe the first man in Eden also struggled with it when God created the world and asked him to "master and subdue it and have dominion over it" (Gen. 1:28) and to work and keep it' (Gen. 2:15) The responsibility of man is to be the CEO so to say, manage and develop what God has created and put in his charge; He, man is to use the resources given to him both natural and human. Man is still faced with this dilemma of mastering himself, the earth and all that is within it. Man is called to be stewards of the gifts that has been given to him. We are called to manage the gifts and talents that God has given to us and put it to good use. (Mt.25:14-30) For a community, ministry, organization, or country, parishes, religious congregations or household to run smoothly, good leaders are needed. For this reason, governmental institutions, churches and families, social organizations spend a lot of resources in the formation of the present and future leaders.
Much has been written on leadership, many theories and model which help us to better understand and develop our leadership skills. In Daniel Goleman's (Best of Havaard Business Review 1998) research article; What makes a leader? it discusses "Emotional Intelligence". The author believes that intelligence quotient (IQ)
Goleman states that 'leaders need to have three skills (accounting, business planning), cognitive skills (analytical reasoning), and emotional skills (ability to work with others: self -awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills). He further stated that "most effective leaders are alike in one crucial way: they all have a high degree of 'emotional intelligence'. The study found that emotional intelligence was twice as important as the other two (technical skills and IQ). He addresses the components of emotional intelligence:

Self-knowledge: This is the ability to recognize and understand one's moods, emotions and drives, as well as their effects on others. This is expressed as self-confidence, not a stand offish attitude. This self-confidence in a leader is founded and rooted in humility and driven by charity towards those in his/her charge. Leaders are filled with knowledge and wisdom. One of the great doctors of the Catholic Church, St. Teresa of Jesus of Avila, used to tell her daughters, for a spiritual guide, it is better a man of knowledge and wisdom than a pious person.

Self-discipline: This is the ability control unruly impulses and mood swings. Such individuals weigh matters before making decisions; they are not erratic or irrational in their decision making process, they are trustworthy and have integrity as their motto. They are not rigid, and are open to meaningful change.

Driven: These individuals have motivation, a passion to work for reasons that go beyond money, power or status. They have a proclivity to pursue goals with drive and persistence. They are undaunted by difficulties and have mastered the ability to rise above set backs, failure and even disasters. They are committed individual. They can be counted on.

Empathy: The ability to understand the emotional makeup of the other people. Leaders are aware and have the skills in treating and dealing with people according to their emotional reactions. It includes the ability build and retain talent, cross-cultural sensitivity, and service to clients and customers. Leaders are all about service.

To be continued.

Empowering Women Myth or Reality?

The empowerment and emancipation of women is a global phenomenon. The feminist movement and activists from various backgrounds have vehemently advocated for gender equality and promote the dignity of women.
Gender equality and the empowerment of women is a work in progress. I daresay that Christ was the first to place women in their rightful place. The gospel of Luke is laden with many parables in which Christ showed respect for women. The hypocrisy of the Pharisees and Sadducees was not uncommon. Take for instance the parable of the woman caught in adultery (John 8: 1-11) The leaders were ready to stone her to death as was the custom of the day. Jesus came along saying he who is blameless of sin let him cast the first stone. In some parts of the world, women still do not have a voice, who will speak for them? Men and women are created in the image and likeness of God, not one superior to the other. When gender becomes an issue, it is usually in regards to social norms and acceptable behavior. Often there is a double standard. You need not degrade one gender to promote another. Each has its own unique role and must be respected. Male and female he created them.
Many Church documents have always defined the dignity of women and their indispensable role in the Church and the world as a whole. Pope Francis has called for more widespread and incisive female presence in the Church. He addressed the issue of finding balance between equality and  difference in an address of February 9th this year in the presence of the Pontifical Council for Culture's Plenary Assembly. Men and women must come to live together acknowledging their differences and not against each other. By nature, both men and women are the same. One is necessary to the other.
The role and contribution of women particularly in pastoral activity, education, social, economic as well as political should be highly encouraged. One must keep in mind where the first man Adam failed, it took the fiat of WOMAN, Mary the Second Eve to rectify this. The feminine dimension of the Church should be welcomed, it regenerates life.
We must not bury our heads as Ostriches, and pretend that gender discrimination does not exist. There is a disparity in jobs, opportunities and salaries. The role of the woman is by the side of the man. Man is .incomplete without the woman, for she is taken from his side. Behind every successful man is a woman. Proverbs 31:10-31 describes this woman. She is priceless and far surpasses rubies. The woman is not some property to be taken for the use of the man, rather they are one. This dialogue for equality of men and women will continue for ages to come, and we must never of having such discussions.
There is one race, and that is the human race, and all are to be revered and respected.

Going the extra mile: The call of the Gospels

"The value of a sheep is in its tail" is an African proverb ~ The tail of a sheep seems minor and can easily be dismissed as insignificant and having no value because of its location which is behind. It is customary that some even cut off part of the tail so as to enable it to grow healthier. The sheep stores much of its fat in the tail. The lesson here is that it is not enough to make maximum use of our gifts and talents, we must also look beyond what is the obvious, look for that which is hidden, that which seems to be minor and insignificant. This is what is known as doing that which is little with extraordinary attention, it is in these little details that one finds perfection, it is going the extra mile, when no one is watching.

Individuals who go the extra mile are those who are willing to go beyond the call of duty or expectations. Our Lord Jesus Christ says, "if someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the left one also... and if someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles" (Mat. 5:39-41) Some people might think what Christ is encouraging here is a certain submissiveness that does not value the freedom of the individual, rather what he is teaching is that one should not be satisfied by merely getting by, or traveling along the easy path with the least resistance. Don't be satisfied with the basics; we have the capacity to achieve more than we can imagine. If we do not just look at things on the surface, if we can go deeper we will rise to such heights of perfection in our way of life and thinking. Scriptures presents  a relevant scenario in the parable of the talents. Three servants were entrusted with special resource. "The man who had received the five talents went at one and put his money to work and gained five more. so also the one what the two talents gained two more" (Mat 25:16-17) To go an extra mile requires creativity and thinking outside the box, which these two servants clearly exhibited and were appropriately rewarded. The servant who buried his talents also was rewarded accordingly. Our gifts and talents are not just for selfish gains, they are given to us to better humanity. 

The disciples on the road to Emmaus met a lone traveler and tried to protect him from danger. they told him about the brutal crucifixion of Jesus. They did not stop at warning him about the unsafe environment prevailing in that area but they also compelled him to stay with them and resume the journey at daybreak. "But they strongly urged him, "to stay with us for it is almost evening; the day is nearly over" (Luke 24:28-29) You can say that they have already given him enough information; yet they were not satisfied, they went the extra mile as they became too concerned for the travelers' safety and ultimately discovered that it was the Lord. In going the extra mile, one discovers Christ, do all things for the glory of God, and whatever you do to and for the least of my brethren that you do unto me (Matt. 25: 40)

In the parable of the Good Samaritan, the sympathetic traveler would have done one or two things for the wounded man. "He bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine... he put the man on his won donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him... he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. "Look after him," he said'and when I return I will reimburse your for any extra expense you may have"  (Luke 10:34-35) The good Samaritan did not think he had done enough until the man was completely cured, unlike the priest and the Levite who had gone before him and seemed to have legitimate reasons for not stopping to help a person in need. 

There is also the case of the the parable of the ten lepers. Jesus healed all ten of them, however only one felt that it was not just enough to experience the joys of healing, he came back to express his gratitude. What happened to the nine? The attitude of gratitude is so key to success for it requires humility to express one's gratitude for favors received and not think that we are deserving of such favors. "one of them came back praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at the feet of Jesus and thanked Him..." (Luke 17:15-16) We read further that our Lord asked, were there not 10? where are the other 9? Many people fail because they lack this attitude of gratitude in small things. The one who is faithful in small things will be given more and to whom much is given, much is expected.

Again, on one occasion, the disciples spent the night fishing and had caught nothing, rather than give up, the cast out into the deep and when Jesus came, he rewarded their effort and asked them to cast out there nets once more. "When they did, they were unable to haul the nets because of the big number of fish they caught" (John 21: 3-6).

The disciples did not claim that fishing time was over, rather they put in more effort. In every situation whether professional, personal, or social, there is always room to go the extra mile. Don't settle for mediocre and just get by. Martin Luther King Jr. says, "if a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well." The same was said of Christ "Is not this the Carpenter's son... where then did he get this wisdom.? He did all things well. (Matt. 13:55)

True success is measured by not how much but how well we do that which is our duty and when we have done all we asked to do, we should remember we are just unworthy servants. we have only done our duty. cf Luke 17:10& ff.

Coming soon

 Here is a little bit about the book:
It’s an inspirational book and a collaborative effort. I have people in all fields telling their story of finding their authentic self and how it changed their lives. The authors I am featuring help others in a variety of areas such as domestic violence, addiction, relationship struggles, self -image issues, stress, divorce, life transitions and many others. But most importantly each author has a message of hope and encouragement. The purpose is to get the message out that there is help for you when you need it. That there are others who have gone through what you are going through and they've succeeded in finding happiness and fulfillment in their life. And so can you.

Blessing

Monica

 

 

The faces of sin manifests its self in varied ways. Some may rationalize that sin does not exist but rather social anomalies or various forms of dysfunction assails human kind. Whatever we call them, we cannot deny the existence of evil.

The world is in constant motion a stage wherein all play a part or role, made up of the good, the bad and the ugly, religious and non religious, believer and non believer, ALL are on the journey. Every single individual is a contributor whether for good or for evil.

Let us seek that which unite, let us look for what is good in others, this is one of the keys to happiness, to allow oneself be carried by divine love.